i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
