No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
