I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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