Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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