it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
