Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
