That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
