If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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