My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
