My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
