ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
