i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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