Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
