this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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