I'm sorry my penis didn't work
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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