it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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