probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
