I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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