im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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