i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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