Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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