Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
