paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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