she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
