Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
40s are totally the cure
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
