some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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