last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
this hospital has no fireball
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
