if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
