It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
