Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Randomize
