I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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