There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
