idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
