Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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