i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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