Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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