I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
