I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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