I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
