I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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