You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
