Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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