I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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