Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
