I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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