is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
