I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
