is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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