24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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