did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
